how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
