I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
