I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize