Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
