it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
is that a dick in a sweater?
Randomize
