Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
