My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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