i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
