i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
They are going to name an STD after you.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
