I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
