You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
