Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
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