please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
