Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
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