Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Randomize
