I'm lost and stupid without you.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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