then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Randomize