I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
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