WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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