So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
We talked him into tasing himself.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
