i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
