Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize