she sounds like chewbacca in bed
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
