I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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