my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
