That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
