yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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