they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
