A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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