I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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