Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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