i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Randomize
