As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
