Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Randomize
