it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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