I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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