I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
