My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
