Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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