I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I cut my penus on the lid.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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