OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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