Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
