I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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