my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
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