dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
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