im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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