if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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