sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Randomize
