Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
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