He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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