I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
