i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
How does one acquire holy water?
Randomize
