did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
