I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
