Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
