Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
