dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
