You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Randomize
