we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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