I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
