i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
