she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
