Pappa wants mamma naked
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
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