yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
