I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
