There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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