false alarm. still invincible.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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