I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
