He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
