The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
