so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
