I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
