you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
