im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize