I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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