I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I cut my penus on the lid.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
